Aku Kosong

Today was the day I had a major breakdown. Refused to do anything. Just spent my entire daylight in my room, on my bed with a head on the pillow. Can you imagine, the whole day I was either sleeping or refuse to use my heart neither head. Dah terasa macam tengah puasa pulak. Tak makan satu benda pun. Just minum air kosong yg memang selalu ada kt my side table.

Actually I'm thinking of doing lots of things to distract myself. Tapi tak tau la. Tak cukup kuat kot. So I end up stuck in the room feeling so empty. Bilik ni bersepah sebenarnya sebab daripada balik hari tu kemas sikit-sikit je. But I don't know. It still feel empty. Hmmmmm. . ."The hardest thing about moving on is not wanting to".

Hear My Heart will you

While writing this post I was actually on my bed, in my comforter, holding my bb and looking so damn miserable. Since start cuti hari tu my life been so empty. Serious tak tau nak buat ape. And living in this house. . . Making me feel as if I'm all alone in this world. Serious shit I am!

Mama seems to not talking to me unless there are other people in this house. I guess she's still piss off with 'it'. Alahai. . . Nak buat macam mane lagi ni. Its my heart. Its my life. Its me who have the decision. Its me who will end up forever alone. And she's my mom. All she ever wanted is for me to end up with a great person.

P/s: kill me pls

I Don't Wanna FACE It

Today the result for one of the subject I took is out. I know its going to be damn sucks. But deep down I really really really hope it will be fine. Unfortunately it does not. And I still remember that night where a drama took place. Dalam banyak2 masa time tu la drama nak jadik. Malam before exam supposedly semua orang be prepared for the last minute preparation while me? Instead of focus kt study, I was busy handling my personal life.

Ya Allah..tuhan je yg tahu how I felt that night. Being bombarded by mama regarding 'that' thingy. I called mama sbb nak mintak restu supaya dapat doakan me the best for exam and in a split of second, semangat nak jawab exam tu hancus!! I was crying like hell calling sis and him. Try to figure out what the hell had actually happened. And end up being sleepy dlm exam hall sebab tak cukup tidur the night before.

So. . . Back to the topic, the result is out. And guess what? I got to sit for the same paper in the next semester. Naissss!! Who should I THANK to? Hmmm. I don't mind repeating the subject. Walaupun ni first time dalam hidup kena repeat but I don't mind sincerely. What I DO mind is when I have to face 'that' FACE again. For the rest of the semester. And it is SUCKS. Dear lil brainy and heart. . . Be strong will you? Hmmm.